Project Mayhem

There is a plague spreading in marketing and PR departments across the country.  It’s the communications version of the flesh-eating virus, eating away at campaigns, killing programs and stunting sales.  It lies there quietly suckling from the unwitting marketing host’s healthy budgets, consuming millions of marketing dollars in every bite.  Ironically, like doctors turned mad scientists, the perpetrators behind this unchecked PR plague are the very marketing executives who helped design, approve and launch them.

The disease is impatience. 

I’ve watched as impatience killed programs anywhere between one to eight months after launch.  I’ve even seen a client kill a multimillion dollar program two weeks before a launch, flushing $150,000 down the PR pipes.

One January, we pitched this cool campaign to a client who loved the idea and immediately funded it.  We started work immediately and launched the program in June the same year.   In October, the client was already getting cold feet as the all-too-familiar grumbling began.  “We’re really not seeing the results for all the money we’re spending. We’ll give it a couple more months, but people aren’t very happy right now.” In December, just six months after launch, we were instructed that if we did not generate a significant amount of coverage, the funding would be pulled.  Six months – that’s like enrolling your kid in first grade and pulling him six months later because he can’t divide.  (If “Got Milk” had been pulled after six months, would you remember it now?)

Fortunately, in this case we generated enough hits to give the program some breathing room and it became the most successful PR program in the brand’s history, runny for 10+ years, generating millions of non-advertising-supported revenue and serving as a clear differentiator for the company.

Too many clients view PR like advertising:  You design the ad, produce it and place it.  Taa Daaaaaaa! NOT.  PR requires timing, persistence, constant adjustment and mirroring the interest of reporters and current news trends.  I mean, c’mon, man, Chef Emeril doesn’t just throw his Pasta Primavera in the oven; come back a few hours later and Voila!  He sticks around to throw in some carrots and asparagus, adds a tablespoon of salt, lets it marinate over a medium-high heat, melts some butter, adds a touch of olive oil, throws in a pinch of garlic and fresh tomatoes …

Damn, I’m hungry.

It’s Friday. So take five and enjoy this brilliant street art by Joshua Allen Harris. His ‘air zoo’ and animal installations on the streets of New York are made by tying plastic bags to the subway vents. It’s one of those simple, brilliant creative ideas that makes you smile and ‘I wish I’d thought of that’. Sadly I can’t help myself also thinking about how it could be used to promote something and it’s a reminder that attention-grabbing stunts can be cheap as old chips.

This may surprise some of our loyal readers — and if you roll your eyes, I’ll kick your ass — but I’m actually a bit of a tech-head.  Not quite sure if I fall into the early-adopter stage, but that’s based more on economics rather than desire.  (In other words, I can only by so many PDAs before my wife starts throwing my clothes on to the driveway.)  I always want the newest, latest, tech-awesomest stuff.

That said, I’m always amazed by people who demand that we use technology for technology’s sake.  Take VoIP for instance.  When used in a corporate environment, this makes zero sense.  For the love of God, THERE’S A PHONE ON YOUR DESK!  Do we really need to improve on the phone?  When was the last time you hung up the phone and said, “jeeze, that experience was horrible.”  When was the last time your phone didn’t work — and your internet connection did?

(Same thing with video over the internet.  Not talking about mobile video or youtube-like clips.  But those who insist that content should be enjoyed on a computer screen — WHEN YOU HAVE A 42-inch PLASMA IN THE DEN!)

Here’s the bottom line:  The ability to do something with more advanced technology doesn’t necessarily mean it’s better.  Technology for technogy’s sake is kind of lame.  I once worked with a woman who would label people who were just trying to hard with their wardrobe — you know they type I mean.  She’d look at an outfit, shake her head, and remark, “Deliberate Chic.”  That’s what a lot of technology is.  If you’re trying to save a couple of bucks, fine.  Otherwise?  Using the computer to make a call is deliberate chic.

Same with creativity.  I’ve told anyone that cares to listen — and the numbers dwindle with each passing day — that there’s a difference between what Claire, Jeremy and I do… and creativity for creativity’s sake.  You can have the coolest, wildest, most original creative idea in the universe.  If it doesn’t sell sneakers, it ain’t worth nothin’.  I’d rather just recommend a press release.

xoxo

Marc

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.  I hate going to the dentist. 

Dentistry seems to have been doing the medical industry’s impression of a deer in headlights for the last two decades.  While other medical fields have been doing such things as, oh, discovering DNA, completing the human genome sequence, cloning animals and using lasers to help the blind see, dentistry has been pumping Air Supply’s “Lost in Love” through headphones so you can’t hear the drill.   

I decided to investigate what dentistry has been up to.  Let’s see, there’s “air abrasion,” a method of “removing dental decay with a high-powered spray.”  Reports are that that’s not very effective.  There’s also laser treatment, but it doesn’t appear very common.  (Does your dentist use one? Case and point.)  And then there’s “photo imagery of the teeth” so they can “instantly be shown on a computer screen.”  Kodak has been doing that with disposable cameras since the ‘90s.

Near as I can tell there are only two things that have changed since I started going to the dentist in 1965:  the chair’s a little more comfortable and they now have cable TV.  Oh, and they don’t give you suckers anymore – a bit counterintuitive, I guess.  Otherwise, all the crap is still the same:  a needle the size of a yardstick, a foot-controlled drill, a dime-size mirror on a stick, a metal squirt gun and Scholastics Magazine in the lobby.  (Was it just me, or did Gallant always seem like a total lame-ass wuss compared to Goofy?) Oh, and they also started putting a protective vest on you during the X-rays.  The fact that I was given no such vest during the first 25 years of my dentist-going days is somewhat disconcerting.  And all those years I thought I was going prematurely bald because of genetics. 

Yo, what up, dentists?  Where’s the creativity?  Come to think of it, maybe that’s why the industry has been sited as the profession with the highest suicide rate.  (Apparently, though, that’s just an urban legend, fueled by a Seinfeld episode.  The American Dental Association claims the suicide rates among dentists are no higher than the national average.  For the record, the Center for the Study of Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior at the University of South Carolina says that, “occupation is not a major predictor of suicide.”  It is worth noting, however, that PR people were not included in that study. As far as I’m concerned, the case is still open.) I digress…

Dentistry needs creative help, and I’m not talking toothpaste with fluoride, I mean serious creative, like push-button robotics that drill to precise depth and dimensions, eliminating my dentist’s hand in my mouth.  Hell, I’d be happy if they could find something other than those razor-sharp cardboard torture cubes they put in your mouth to take an X-ray.  After they position the jagged little suckers to perfectly pierce the roof of your mouth, they have the gull to demand, “Bite down.”  Seriously?  That’s like a doctor holding a scalpel against you and saying, “lean into it.” 

I know this all probably sounds like a man with dementia – I’ll blame it on the ton of lead I still have in my teeth.

C’mon, for all the whining that goes on about how steroids is cheating and ruins the integrity of sports, has anyone stopped to consider that they just might be good for athletics?  Indeed, there’s a whole new niche just waiting to be discovered: The Supplemental Games, the ultimate extreme sports. 

Don’t be naïve; regulators are never going to stop athletes from juicing anyway, given that blood doping is often undetectable.  And even if they do, somebody somewhere will come up with a way to beat it, so why not just legalize it? Under strict supervision of the American Medical Association, the MLB, NFL and NBA create spin-off leagues where “juicing” is an integral part of game strategy. 

The Supplemental Games is the chance in a lifetime for average players who don’t have Shaq’s power, Reggie Bush’s speed or the endurance of Greg Maddux.  Now, no-name players like Domenik Hixon of the Giants, Brad Snyder of the Indians and Jason Maxiell of the Pistons can begin snagging multi-million-dollar endorsement deals, too, for brands like the Milk Advisory Board, because, of course, “It Does a Body Good.”

Seriously, aren’t you a bit tired of hearing about Kobe, A-Rod, Tom Brady and the likes?  Wouldn’t it be great to finally root for somebody other than the typical cast of stars who were dealt a winning genetic hand at birth?  Yes, The Supplemental Games would be a victory for Average Joe’s everywhere.  Steroids would do for the average guy in sports what Viagra did for the average guy in bed.  Now everyone’s a hero. Grab your bats, gentlemen, and let’s play ball!

In an industry where careers have such short lifespans, it’s time to move over and give average guys a chance.  Average guys like me, for instance…  I was always good in sports, but not great; good enough to make the team, but not good enough to start.  While the stars got all the glory – and the girls – all I managed to pick up was eight stitches on my lip while serving as a tackling dummy. (Till today, I swear I got them while scoring the game-winning touchdown.) 

Now, instead of sitting on the sidelines for a good part of their careers, average players become superstars — or supped-up stars — with advanced abilities, bigger paychecks, more fame, and the admiration of fans. 

And the athletes aren’t the only winners.  Brands that had no place in sports are now center stage.  Instead of Gatorade Jugs on the sidelines, the multi-billion-dollar steroid industry has its own “Juicing Stations.” Take a little hit; hop back on the mound and fire a 108 MPH fastball … in the eighth inning!   And because of the juiced-up nature of the games, entire new structures will need to be built to house the required new stadium dimensions: 140-yard football fields, 13-foot-high basketball rims, 110-feet gaps between bases, titanium bats, etc.  That puts even more people to work. 

New sponsors will undoubtedly sprout up to proudly display their names on the side of buildings, such as Anabolic Park and BALCO Field. And ad-income will soar with the influx of creative new advertisers: “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up … but as long as I’m down here I’m cranking out 20!” 

That all sounds good, you say, but what about the record books and the embarrassing disclaimers next to the athletic accomplishments?  No worries.  After all, it’s the Supplemental Games, we embrace our heritage.  Our noted Hall of Fame building would be called “The Asterisk” and would be an extension to the Cleveland Clinic, just down the road from Canton.  And speaking of the Hall of Fame, steroids would even give us back our favorite retired athletes.  Cal Ripken, Joe Montana, Larry Bird, all the babies who cried during their retirement speeches can now come back to shatter their own records.  Imagine the turnout on game day!

Hmmmm … this sounds so good that maybe even I’ll come out of retirement.

So here it is my first blog. Or maybe flog as it’s about fashion and the art (or not) of selling things. The Project Mayhem boys said they thought a female voice would be a good addition so I’m gonna break up all the talk of football and online dating with the serious stuff, like shopping. In January this year £4.5 billion was spent online shopping in the UK. Now I don’t know how much of that was on fashion but what I do know is that online clothes shopping is a whole lot more fun that trudging around the shops. A visit to the much-hyped new 17,000 square ft Banana Republic Store on Regent Street last week reminded me why I hate shopping for clothes on the high street so much. It shouldn’t be this difficult to buy a pair of basic black trousers. The store superficially looks good – it’s built in the old Dickens and Jones store and is airy with a great central staircase - but no-one appears to have actually  considered what the shopping and brand experience might be like for a customer. The sizing’s invisible – after checking the labels in the back of 15 pairs of trousers for some in my size (none, they had sizes 0-8 ) I had a minor strop and left them all in a pile. A dress that looked promising was available in only 2 sizes. Ditto 15  shirts in small or er, extra small. Goodie. There are few mirrors anywhere to do the  ‘holding it up to your face thing’ we women like doing and not a salesperson in sight. I gave up and walked out, feeling disappointed and more than a bit annoyed. I was surprised to discover that Banana Republic is owned by Gap who has suffered dwindling sales in recent years – the distinctly un-user friendly design of the Regent Street store is not going to help customers part with their cash. Most of the problems are really not difficult to fix, it just seems that no-one bothered to take a walk in the customer’s shoes.

Compare this with the anticipation of an online order and then the delicious delivery of clothes in your size, delivered 2 days later, beautifully wrapped where you can mess about at home to your heart’s content deciding whether to keep them or not. I live by the 2 week rule – if I haven’t worn it in that time then it’s likely I’m not going to and back it goes. Best of the bunch in my opinion are figleaves.com, net-a-porter.com and ASOS.com.  A lot has been made of the future of (fashion) retail and giving the customer a  brand experience but no stroppy sales girl, badly lit changing room and 10-deep queue can ever compare with ordering swimwear from the comfort of your sofa. Whilst eating a biscuit.

Until next time.

 Claire

If you’ve read this author’s posts with any regularity (and for a moment, let’s just humor me, shall we?), you know that I’m a big fan of research.  Love it, love it, love it.  Research drives insight and strategy.  Research informs and illuminates.  Research clarifies and coalesces.  But research doesn’t replace your gut.  I’ve said it many times –  Numbers are like people: Torture them enough and they’ll tell you anything you want.  For all the good that research does, research can also be limiting.  Take a look at the video below.  Yeah, laughed my ass off when I first saw it – but holy cow, it was spot-on.  How many great ideas have gone into the circular file because the research – focus groups or otherwise – made the decisions for us? 

Listen, I understand that in business, you never want to make a decision without having all the information.  You not only want to make an informed call, but you want – and often need – to cover your ass in case things go south.  But – and this is a salient point – it’s YOUR call.  Not the research, not the focus group, not the numbers.  YOU.  The research is awesome – but its not smarter than you.  You need to own the research, not vice-versa.  We all need to get all the research we can get our hands on, weigh the pros & cons and ask the advice and opinions of trusted colleagues – but we also need to trust in ourselves and in others. 

xoxo
Marc

…in the series of “the coolest things that marc has ever seen”…

Before I begin, you have to remember that my partner in crime, Jeremy, is a lot older than me.  A LOT.  Jeremy was alive when the Dead Sea was just sick.  I’ve seen younger faces on money.  And me?  Well, I’m a spry late-thirty-ish kid – albeit with the body of a 55-year-old and the sexual maturity of a Bar Mitzvah boy.  OK, now that the stage is set, let’s get to the heart of the matter, shall we…?

As I age – and in this industry, its blatantly obvious with all the whipper-snappers roaming the halls – I’ve begun to wonder how my lifestage will impact my creativity.  There are two sides to the argument (well, more than two, I’m sure, but hey – we’ve got bandwidth issues):

We Get Less Creative As We Age.  Someone much smarter than me once said that every kid gets a box of crayons, and slowly loses them over time.  The older we get, the more cynical we become.  As the realities of the “real world” descend upon us, our imagination shrinks.  Our ability to suspend disbelief is diminished.  Every “no,” every “can’t,” every “impossible” contributes to casting a longer, darker shadow over our creativity.  And it doesn’t stop there.   Too often, our clients construct a bubble of “never-woulds” from which we constantly try to escape.  As David Byrne once said, “I can feel my lifetime piling up.”  How could we NOT become less creative?

We Get More Creative As We Age.  Oliver Wendal Holmes said, “A mind, stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions.” The key to creativity is inspiration, and the older we get, the more inspiration sources become available to us.  Exposure to travel, art, literature, science, communities – these can each inspire creativity.  New landscapes, new horizons.  Every interaction, every engagement.  Each challenge, each accomplishment.  They’re all opportunities to be inspired, and to inspire others.  And hey – let’s not forget the failures (in my case, it would be nearly impossible, but try to stay with me).  The more we learn, the more we’re exposed to the new, the more we embrace the unexpected – the more creative we become.  Nothing’s better than a well of inspiration filled to the brim.

So, the answer:  Well, I believe we get more creative as we age.  I understand, of course, that this conclusion may seem self-serving.  But personally, I’m a lot more creative than I was last year.  Or last month.  Or yesterday.  But the secret is ALWAYS striving for better creative work.  Because you DO have to fight cynicism and negativity.  You DO have to battle mediocrity and complacency.  And you don’t have to journey far – but you DO have to constantly view the world through new eyes.  And that, my friends, is the heart and soul of creativity.

xoxo

Marc